My Father - 2nd Edition

Two years ago, he gave me a shoebox of memorabilla they kept for decades, mostly pictures of everybody and a brown envelope with stuff for me. It was a collection of my school report cards from elementary to college, my boy scout pictures(10 yrs. old), neckerchiefs, pins, graduation invitations, letters, etc.. He told me that he kept the wooden scooter with bearing wheels I built when I was about 10 yrs. old but it disappeared somehow. I'll never forget how I rode it downhill in Tagaytay City sidewalks when my mother used to to take me with her while working there. My report cards even showed my absent days in college and my mediocre grades. I've always thought I was a bright student. I don't remember my father ever criticizing me for my poor performance in school...now I'm suspicious that he was also just like me that I did the same thing to my kids..like father like son.

It was a shock for me to see an old, almost torn letter I wrote to my grandmother(s) while in early college days asking for money pitifully. I cannot recall now if I ever got my wish or if my parents ever shown my grandmother my letter. The fact that my parents kept the letter and it was all creased, I presume they didn't. I still keep those letters.

My eldest son now 39 did also write a similar letter to Tatay while in high school asking for $400.00 to buy a Les Paul electric guitar. His letter was so neatly written (I framed it) in a way that no grandpa can say no. Tatay being a generous man sent him the money....Now it makes me wonder why my letter to my grandmother was crumpled and was in his possession.....hmmm.

When we were growing up, Tatay used to put up real elaborate nativity set up during Christmas time, some ideas copied from the old "Avenida Rizal" Christmas decorations. I even copied a couple of his scenes for my house in the States. There is one thing odd about our family tradition for Christmas. We never really practiced exchanging gifts with one another but being home before 12:00 midnight for the "noche buena" was a very strict rule. I quit believing Santa Claus at a young age when we put out our Christmas socks at a corner one night and waking up without anything in it in the morning. Tatay was all smiles telling us all kinds of reasons why Santa didn't come. Alfonso was too far and something else I don't remember. It was funny alright now to think about it but then was "traumatic"...Now I am like a traumatized Vietnam veteran waking up some mornings screaming "don't shoot me Santa!"

Tatay is really getting older each day but he is still good telling stories...over and over...and over but I always patiently listens. I'm getting old too and I think I now understand why they do that. Getting old sadly and slowly ends the capability of doing the same exciting things when you were younger and all you can do now is reminish and share them to whoever will listen. I'm ending this with tears in my eyes and that I will go on listening to him...over and over.

My father

I thought of writing this while my father is still alive and to have something to share with my family and friends. He will be 94 years old this May 15, 2010. My own children and their cousins, mostly adults now know not much about him. He was born in barangay Kaytitinga, Alfonso, Cavite and lives in the same house where we were all born (5 boys) in the town proper of Alfonso. Our mother Leny Dominguez passed away couple of years ago followed by our eldest brother less than a year later. Both of them died from diabetes complications. I can feel that the loss of my mother and eldest brother really took a toll on his well being. He now walks with a cane but still very well for his age.

It is very amazing that his memory is better than mine because he can still recall the street names and the stores he frequented while visiting us in 1983 (USA) and that was 27 years ago. He was only there for 3 weeks and got bored after seeing "America the Beautiful" in Disneyland. He said, "I've seen America and I'm going home". Once in a while, I even hear him quote from Shakespeare. I don't even know one.

All his working life was being a civil servant although he and my mother I vividly remember owning a bakery before he worked for the Central Bank in Manila and only came home during weekends. He became the Municipal Treasurer of Alfonso for a long time until he rose to become the Provincial Treasurer of Cavite in the early 80s until his retirement in 1982. I migrated to the USA before then (1973).

My father is a very honest man and very well respected in our town. Almost all his working life was managing money and could have been very tempting especially being the Provincial Treasurer. He had the opportunity to amass a fortune and got away with it He loves to tell us those missed opportunities and the people who took advantage of them and I believe him knowing how corrupt our leaders are. The one thing he is very proud of is never having fed us with stolen money. I remember when I was growing up seeing a huge quote poster on his office wall about "If at the end of the day you do not feel guilty putting in your day's worth..then." I don't remember the exact words but it was inspirational.

He is a very quiet and mild mannered man. I can't recall a time he raised his voice in anger although he was a disciplinarian He had his share of midlife crisis when he started losing his hair. A few years after I migrated with my family to the States, I received a registered big brown envelope from him and inside was some flattened newspaper with masking tapes all over it. It had with it a note if I could get him a toupee. It turned out that the crumpled newspaper was what he molded over his head and taped over to keep the shape of his head. Me and my wife laughed all the way home imagining how and where we can find someone to make it and keep a straight face. I wrote back my father to send me his head...just kidding. Seriously, I told him that it will be difficult to do what he wanted.

My father was an impeccable dresser during his working years from head to toe. His work clothes were made to order barongs, gabardine pants, expensive shoes or always neatly pressed white long sleeved shirts always with cuff links. I saw his old shark skin suits and even owned tuxedos. My mother adored him and took care of him dearly.

If you look closely at his picture above, he had his facial age spots removed by that famous Vicky Belo.I was jealous , I had one too but a different doctor for half the price.

I got more to say but I'm getting sleepy...

Old Tradition

My sister in law's brother Eddie died from diabetes complications almost 2 weeks ago. He was also a childhood friend of mine and the funeral wake was held at the compound where I stay here in Alfonso which lasted for 5 days. I suddenly realized how little I knew about old traditions here in Alfonso having been away for more than 30 years living in the USA and experiencing a funeral wake within the family. I've seen wakes before but never really witnessed the entire practice - not even for my own mother and elder brother who died couple of years ago.

I was amazed at the amount of praying held by the "manangs"(some kind of a religious group of elderly women)who come to the place where the wake is held and pray loudly for about an hour every morning at 6:30 am. I'm not sure if they are reciting the rosary because I never really paid attention and watched from afar. After the prayer, they are served a nice breakfast and I'm not sure if they go to the next wake for lunch and so on. I don't remember who I was with one morning that she told me that this particular group of manangs are divided into 2 factions because of some personal conflict. It was quite funny that each group ate at separate tables and were not talking to each other although they pray together as one group. I assume that the prayers are for asking the forgiveness of the dead person's sins that he may go to heaven. May he rest in peace.

The fourth day is something more important because the prayers lasted longer and the prepared food was for lunch and much better. The funeral was held on the 5th day. The night before the funeral is called the "big night" where more people came all day and thru the night which was like an all day all night party. People playing mahjong and card games for money. Nobody seemed to be grieving for the dead..or should I say celebrant? And more prayers till the 9th day which is called "pasiyam". This day is also a big day with lots of food from morning till evening. Prayers by the manangs lasted all day and nobody seems to know what was the origin of this old tradition and the symbolism it stands for. 40 days is getting near and another commemoration for Eddie's death is coming. I don't need to write more on this.

Old traditions in Alfonso never die. Most of them I try to comprehend with respect but a lot of them just don't make sense. Some of them I believe are the causes of why the Philippines is still a third world country. One of them is the "compadre" system where people ignore and bypass the normal order of systems where equality and fairness for all should be the way of life. People vote not because the candidate possesses the right credentials but rather because he is my "compadre". Some best friends I know support a corrupt politician because he is their "compadre" who allows them to not pay their fair share of taxes. So sad for my country.